Torn
by Trolley
Summary: The look of agonized hurt and confusion on her face burned Blink’s heart and he had gushed apologies, hugging her and vowing that it would never happen again. (Written for Blink Week, rated for angst...on the safe side.)


About a half a day after I finished this story, I was watching I Love the 90's, and they were talking about the song "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia. And I was like, "Hey…that actually could/might work…yeah!" Plus, I needed a title… So anyway, I don't own the song or the characters. Except for Caroline, own her…and the flask too. Oh yeah, all mine…  
  
Written for B's Blink Week contest! Happy Birthday B!  
  
"Damn." Blink took another long swig from his flask and wiped the excess liquid away with the back of his hand. His lip curled in disgust as he angrily threw his cards down on the table. Seventeenth lost hand of the night.  
  
"Whoa, take it easy there, buddy." Racetrack patted his friend on the back, all too familiar with his friend's temper, and, even worse, his drunk temper. And the way he threw his cards across the table coupled with the strange glint in his eye warned him and the others that tonight was not the night to mess with Kid Blink.  
  
"Yeah, you'll get em next time," Mush chuckled, as always blissfully oblivious to Blink's growing anger.  
  
He knew it wasn't true just as well as the rest did. "Screw yous, I'm outta 'ere," Blink snarled, haphazardly knocking a few bottles and cards off the table and clumsily grabbing his flask as he tottered to his feet. He had just remembered that he had made a date with Caroline that night. Not that he really cared at this point, but he needed an excuse to get out of the stuffy warehouse that served as host to Racetrack's nightly poker games. He was drunk, more than comfortably so, and found his subconscious hoping that his girl did nothing to cross him that night. He was in no mood to try and keep his temper in check. He barely heard his friends' stifled bursts of laughter as he lumbered out the door, barely remembering to turn the knob.  
  
Caroline wrapped herself in her tattered shawl as she waited for Blink on "their bench" in Central Park. It was there that they had first met. He tried to sell her a paper, and she had responded with a polite, "No thank you sir, I don't have any money." Intrigued by something in the shape of her eyes and her soft Southern accent, he had sat down next to her and tried to convince her that she really did have money, and she really needed to buy a pape. After about five minutes worth of polite declination on her part and playful conniving on his, he finally settled for her acceptance of dinner with him that night.  
  
From then on, they were inseparable. The lively, surprisingly charming newsboy had won over the sweet, coy, and quirky young Southern belle in a matter of a week. For whatever reason, Caroline had never much attracted the attention of many boys, and it felt like magic when she was with this amazing guy whom she knew felt the exact same feelings for her that she harbored for him. He truly loved her. The times he actually said it were few and far between, but the first time was fresh in her mind. She had looked up at him as he brushed an annoying strand of hair from her face, then he had cupped her cheek in his gentle, calloused hand and said it. She grinned, blushing furiously, and knew he meant it. It was then that they had shared their first kiss.  
  
Blink himself couldn't have been happier either. The meek, caring Caroline provided quite a refreshing change from the crude, destitute newsgirls and trashy, disease-ridden prostitutes he and his friends were usually more familiar with. He had felt an immediate attraction to this girl, so much so that it almost scared him. Her big blue eyes and long, thin red hair coupled with a smattering of freckles across her small, pointy nose and under eyes lent her an air of extremely feminine beauty bordering on vulnerability and naivety. Not quite the conventional definition of beauty, the girl had a sweet, endearing look about her, her small frame standing somewhere around five foot two. The moment he laid eyes on her, he could see her nestled in his arms, completely trusting in him. He could protect her from anything. Getting to know her had fulfilled the attraction all the more. Her laid-back, spontaneous attitude provided a nice contrast to his irritable, high-strung nature. The relationship had been perfect for a little over a month…  
  
Caroline shivered and pulled her coat closer, wincing as she pressed a bruise. That was one thing that she didn't like about her boyfriend. He didn't beat her, persay, but every now and then, when he had had one too many drinks, or lost a lot in poker, something would set him off, and he would get rough. She shoved the thought of the first time he had hit her out of her mind. They had been having an argument over not having enough money to eat that day, she had spouted off some smart remark, and BAM. The look of agonized hurt and confusion on her face burned Blink's heart and he had gushed apologies, hugging her and vowing that it would never happen again.  
  
He truly hadn't meant it to, but of course, it had. And each time, the shocked pain in Caroline's eyes would fade a bit into a mixture of hardened anger and deep-seated sadness. But over time, instead of melting Blink's heart, it continually festered agitation within him, and he felt the strong, sudden impulse to beat her to a bloody pulp.   
  
But of course he hadn't. They always went back to their normal, happy relationship. She never thought Blink would really hurt her. She knew he didn't mean it, and that he loved her,  
  
(right?)  
  
And besides, he was all she had. The security of this man in her life was all Caroline could ask for, all she had ever wanted, and Blink knew that. He was, after all, the perfect boyfriend--minus the temper. But one could look past that if she tried to. It really wasn't so hard…it was like overlooking the fact that he bit his fingernails or that he could never sit still. One minor setback wasn't enough to make her throw away all of the good she saw in him. And in the two of them together.  
  
Caroline hoped to God that he hadn't been drinking. But no matter how strongly she smelt the liquor on him, she determined to herself that she would go through with this. She needed to tell him, and she needed to tell him now. The longer she waited, the worse it would get. She remembered the night it had happened. Things had gotten out of control, the passion had proved too much for him. Though they had had this talk in the past, the talk about waiting, he had convinced her. Another testament to his roughness…She had tried to enjoy it, and the pleasure was temporarily gratifying, but she had felt horrible, empty, stained afterward. It had certainly been her fault, but still he had apologized and promised to never do anything like that again until she was ready. But two months later, the irreparable damage had been discovered.   
  
She was carrying his child. Neither of them were ready, needless to say. But they loved each other, right? They would get through this together, right?  
  
The harsh, chilled wind slapped Caroline across the face as if to warn her of his arrival. She brushed a tear from her cheek and took a deep breath, painting a bright smile over her worried face as Blink approached.  
  
The walk to Central Park had sobered him up a tad, but Blink was doing all he could to walk straight. Part of him wanted to be presentable for Caroline, but the whiskey dulled those good intentions and he told himself that'd she'd better be happy he showed up.  
  
And that she was. Or rather, appeared to be. Only slightly fooled by his cheerful demeanor, she could already smell the alcohol hanging over him like a film. Fake smile still in place, she stood up to meet him. "Hey honey. Where ya been?"  
  
"Nowhere." His answer was short and abrupt. He had not yet been in her presence for one minute and she was already starting to get on his nerves. He told himself to calm down and took a hand out of his pocket, wrapping it around her waist. "You must be freezin, come on, let's go somewhere."  
  
"Alright." Caroline looked up at him tentatively and rested her head on his shoulder. "So where we goin?"  
  
"Well, ain't we askin a lot of questions tonight?" Blink tried to keep his tone gentle, but he was feeling his grip on his patience slowly slipping. Simply listening to her voice was proving a struggle. He smiled down at her. "I thought we could jus' go back to da lodgin house, if dat's okay with you. I'se gettin pretty tired, ain't you?"  
  
Her brow furrowed and she sighed softly, sensing his forced sweetness, but her resolve became all the stronger. "Sure, that's fine," she whispered with a small nod. In all honesty, Caroline was starving, but she bit her lip and figured one more meal skipped couldn't do any harm.  
  
"Good." Blink knew that he needed to sit down before he fell down, and he couldn't take her to dinner, as he had lost all his money and more at the poker game. Needless to say, he'd never tell her this. Irritated as her normal endearing sweetness was to him that night, he still cared greatly what she thought of him.  
  
The rest of the walk was taken in strained silence as Caroline continued planning out her confession and Blink's brain fought against the alcohol taking over it. She shivered, in that cute way she always did, and he held her closer and rubbed her arm, trying to find it as cute as he usually did. At long last, they reached the lodging house. Although it was rather chilly outside, Blink insisted on going up to the roof. That always seemed to calm him down…  
  
"Baby, you alright? You'se shiverin like crazy." He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, himself unaffected by the cold.  
  
In truth, it was mostly nerves causing Caroline to shake. "Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled up at him in that way that normally melted him and took a deep breath. "Blink," she began, absently running a finger across his chest. "Blink, I kinda need to tell ya somethin…"  
  
This better not be bad news… "What is it, hon?" he asked gently, his brow furrowing in concern and frustration.  
  
"Well." That was as far as she could get. Her voice caught in her throat and she looked up at him pathetically, sensing his exasperation.  
  
"Come on, spit it out," he encouraged a bit harshly, beginning to lose his patience.  
  
Caroline gulped and willed herself to continue. "Uh, remember that--no, I mean, um…" she looked up at his face for what seemed like hours and nearly burst into tears. She swallowed the burning in the back of her throat and blinked back the inevitable tears.  
  
Blink closed his eye and ran a hand across his mouth, his grip around her shoulders tensing. "Caroline, do you have something to say, or not?"  
  
"Yes, I-I am, I mean I do…Blink, it's real important, now don't get mad or anything…"  
  
"I won't get mad if you'll freakin tell me what ya gotta say!"  
  
By now, she was scared. She let out a soft cry as hot tears began to sting her eyes.. "Please don't shout at me, I hate it when you do that!"  
  
Then he lost all discretion. "I can do a lot more den shout!" As if to demonstrate, he brought his arm back and backhanded her solidly across the face.  
  
The girl was thrown to the other side of the couch and she quickly sat up, bringing her hand to her cheek. Infuriated and desperate, she finally spat it out. "Blink, I'm pregnant!"  
  
One of the few words that could stop time. It also had quite a knack for triggering any number of different emotions at any given time. Blink wasn't quite sure what he was feeling right then, but it definitely was not happy. "What?" he growled, deep down hoping he was so drunk that he misheard her.  
  
"You heard me. We're gonna have a kid." She had done it, it was out. And he was pissed.  
  
"Dis better be some kinda sick joke," Blink snarled, grabbing her wrist tightly.  
  
"I'm not kiddin, Blink, you messed up and now we're gonna have a baby!" Growing more defiant by the moment, Caroline tried to twist out of his grasp, but to no avail.  
  
So many thoughts were racing through Blink's head that he could think of only one way to channel them. He needed to beat something, and of course the closest thing was Caroline.  
  
Eventually, she quit fighting back. She curled into a ball and gave up, telling herself it was all her fault. He continued to reign blows down upon her until he was thoroughly exhausted, sweat dripping from his forehead. Still in a drunken stupor, he sneered at the bloody, crumpled form, gave it one last kick, and staggered to another area of the roof where he collapsed into sleep.  
  
Caroline eventually passed out, waking up about forty-five minutes later. She could barely lift her head. She weakly looked around herself, mildly shocked at the massive amount of blood. She lifted a shaking hand to her face, fingers running over bloody cuts and already forming bruises. Her first thought was remembering what had happened. That didn't take long. Slightly alarmed, she glanced around for Blink, finding him passed out several yards away. Tears pooled in her swollen eyes as they could make out crusted blood on his knuckles.  
  
She had lost the baby. She was certain of it, no question. The accumulation of blood between her legs coupled with the aching emptiness she felt inside gave it away. Caroline closed her eyes, willing herself to retreat into sleep and forget the pain, but the uncomfortable position she was in and the fact that she could scarcely move made it nigh impossible.  
  
Perhaps it was better that way. Without a doubt, actually. Who were these two to try and raise a family? They could barely support themselves. And she would have been out of work as soon as her boss found out. It was impossible to be a pregnant dancer. Caroline tried to forget about how she had been growing so attached to the thought of bringing a child into the world by considering what kind of world he would be brought into. He would certainly have to lead the life of his parents. No one deserved that.  
  
Caroline blinked tears from her eyes as she looked over at her peacefully slumbering boyfriend. Perhaps it had been her fault, she had been stupid to try to tell him something of this magnitude when he was so obviously stone drunk. Thinking back over all the times he had hit her, she could recall none that had been unprovoked. If she could learn to keep her smart mouth in check, and if perhaps he could lay of the liquor a little bit, the two could really have a happy relationship. She loved him so much…he was all she had. The only man, besides her father, who had ever shown her love. Real love, not just slobbering lust, but passion, and caring, and nurturing. And how had she repaid him? She certainly could have been more tender, more submissive. And he certainly had his gentle moments. She tried desperately to let those overshadow his aggressive nature, and a small smile creased her lips as she imagined herself curled up in his arms, safe and protected from everyone…except him.  
  
Day broke softly and with it awoke an extremely hung-over Blink. He massaged his temples and slowly opened his eye, blinking defensively against the gentle morning shimmers of sunlight. His head was pounding like a war drum and he could barely remember the events of last night--until he groggily glanced around and his eye landed on the broken, blood-soaked frame of his girlfriend. Who most likely wasn't pregnant anymore…  
  
Blink peeled himself off the ground and rushed to Caroline's side. His head swam and he nearly collapsed on top of her, but his touch was gentle and he had to swallow a lump in his throat as he regarded her lifeless appearance. How could he have done this to her?  
  
"Baby, I'm so sorry, please wake up, I'm so sorry," he crooned softly, stroking her dirty, matted hair.   
  
A soft groan escaped her lips as her eyelids slowly blinked open. Initially she cringed away from him, but cried out at the pain the miniscule movement caused.  
  
Blink nearly broke down in tears at the fear that creased her features upon the sight of him. "Baby please, don't be scared, I ain't gonna hurt ya."  
  
The fear melted away into a small, tentative smile. "I know. I'm sorry." He really was too good for her…  
  
"No, I'm sorry! Don't say dat, you ain't got nothin to be sorry for. Come on, let's get ya cleaned up." He carefully gathered her soaked body into his arms, fighting back his gag reflex as the blood squished with each movement.  
  
Caroline screamed inwardly with every movement, but surrendered into the protecting hold that she had been longing for all night. "You don't have anything to worry about anymore," she whispered, her smile nearly grotesque by now. "The baby's dead."   
  
An overwhelming mixture of emotions crashed over Blink like a wave and he fought to keep support of her scrawny frame. His first thought was one of relief, which was quickly overshadowed by the stone that settled in his stomach with the thought that he had killed a baby. His baby. He felt the same way about the situation as did Caroline, but the sense of guilt was too much to handle. He dropped down to his knees mid-step and held the girl close, his breath coming in short, quick gasps. "Caroline, I'm so sorry. What am I, some kind of animal?!"  
  
"No, Blink, it's not your fault, please, calm down!" Then she saw it. That crazed look he got in his eye whenever he got the notion to do something destructive. She braced herself for another series of hits, and grunted as she was dropped once again to the ground.  
  
Blink stood up, then, as if an afterthought, he knelt down and cupped her head in his hands. "Caroline, I love you more than you could ever know. I'm sorry." He placed a soft, lingering kiss on her swollen lips as he stood once again, a blank, glazed look in his eye.  
  
Caroline watched in escalating horror as his resolute steps padded along the unforgiving ground. They neither slowed nor accelerated as he approached the edge of the roof. Suddenly it hit her with as much intensity as he had last night what he was going to do. "No. No." Her whispers soon turned to screams when he didn't even turn around. "Blink, please, I love you, don't do it, no, please Blink!" Tears streaked over the crusted blood on her face as she knew there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop him. She could barely breathe, much less stand.  
  
Her cries went unheard as Blink went about accomplishing his purpose. He wouldn't cause anymore hurt to the ones he loved ever again. Ending it all was the easiest way, the only way. Caroline deserved better than this. His friends deserved better than this. No one would miss him. Fueled partly by the remnants of alcohol in his system and partly by that thought, Blink reached the edge of the roof. He didn't stop.  
  
_I thought I saw a man brought to life  
  
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified  
  
He showed me what it was to cry  
  
Well you couldn't be that man that I adored  
  
You don't seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for  
  
I don't know him anymore  
  
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel  
  
I'm cold and I am shamed  
  
Lying naked on the floor  
  
Illusion never changed  
  
Into something real  
  
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn  
  
You're a little late  
  
I'm already torn  
  
So I guess the fortune teller's right  
  
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light  
  
But you crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care, I have no luck  
  
I don't miss it all that much  
  
There's just so many things  
  
That I can't touch  
  
I'm torn_


End file.
